Let’s face it, Monkey Whizz, and the company behind them, Serious Monkey Business, have possibly the worst names for a product and company to take seriously. In this guide, I’m going to tell you whether the synthetic urine products they make should be taken seriously, or if they are as much of a joke as the names.
The thing is, they do a range of synthetic urine products that a lot of people have used in urine sample drug tests. So does Monkey Whizz work, or is everyone getting screwed?
So I’m going to give you a full review of Monkey Whizz synthetic urine, tell you how to use it, whether it works, what’s in it, and also if there are better alternatives you should consider.
What Is Monkey Whizz Exactly?
Monkey Whizz is a synthetic urine product range, from a company called Serious Monkey Business.
They sell the following products in the range:
- Monkey Whizz synthetic urine (powdered)
- Serious Monkey Flask urine (premixed)
- Monkey Whizz synthetic urine belt (premixed)
- Monkey Dong synthetic urine device
The cheapest product in the range is Monkey Whizz synthetic urine. It’s dehydrated, which means it’s a powder that you have to add water to. It really is dirt cheap, less than $20. That’s half the price of the next decent synthetic urine out there, Quick Fix.
Then you have the premixed version, Serious Monkey Flask urine.
Above that, you have Monkey Whizz synthetic urine belt. It’s a premixed urine Monkey Whizz kit, with a belt and dispensing attachment, that allows you to strap the urine sample closely to you, and submit it through a tube, to simulate urinating.
And at the top end comes the Monkey Dong. That’s literally a penis made of rubber, that you fill with the included premixed Monkey Whizz.
The idea is that it mimics what you would do naturally as a man so closely, that you could even submit a fake sample during a supervised drug test. Obviously, if you’re female, you would never need this.
What’s In The Flask
A good quality synthetic urine has to be able to pass as a valid sample. This means it has to contain certain things that a lab would check for to make sure a sample is real.
A lot of people ask: does Monkey Whizz contain creatine?
The reason for this is that it’s not listed on the ingredients in many online stores.
If it’s not there then the sample will fail, as it’s one of the main things a lab will check for. Any synthetic urine that stands a chance of passing a drug test has to have the following characteristics:
- Uric acid
- Be within the correct pH range
- Have the correct specific gravity
- Look and smell like real urine
- Froth like real urine
- Contain other chemical markers a lab sometimes checks for
It does contain creatine (sometimes called creatinine). It also contains the other main things from the list above.
However, its formula isn’t as advanced as the top brands of synthetic urine. The number of other chemical markers, that increased complexity, isn’t as high. So if you are facing anything more than the most basic pre-employment drug test, then Monkey Whizz is going to struggle.
Should You Buy It From Amazon?
I would never recommend you buy Monkey Whizz from Amazon.
That’s the same advice I give for any drug test avoidance product. Although the shelf life can be long, it’s often old stock that sold on places like Amazon and eBay, meaning the quality could have deteriorated.
Or it could even be completely fake. If it was a fake printed Monkey Whizz box, with colored water in it, that was made for very little, would you know the difference until you are told your sample had failed?
So never buy fake pee from Amazon, or anywhere else other than specialist drug test product websites.
Step By Step Instructions
The basic instructions will depend on the exact Serious Monkey Business product you bought.
Let’s talk first about the powdered urine. It’s a very basic kit, just containing the powdered urine and a set of instructions. No heating pad, nothing else. So it’s very basic, which is why it costs less than $20. And you have literally no way of keeping the sample warm.
So for me, you’ll want to go to one of the next products up. You can get the Monkey Whizz premixed kit, which also contains a heating pad, and that’s about $40.
If you want the best, then for an extra $10 on top of that, you can get the belt. That contains premixed urine, a belt, two heat pads, and the urinate kit, which is basically a tube and tap to dispense the urine from.
The instructions, the same as with any synthetic urine, are really all about the temperature. The number one reason people fail drug tests with fake samples isn’t the quality of the synthetic urine, it’s the fact that it’s submitted outside of the possible temperature range human urine can exist in.
Human urine is always between 96°F and 100°F, and legally, any sample between 90°F and 100°F has to be accepted, to allow for cooling. So you only have a 10° margin of error.
The heat pads are pretty good, and as long as you make sure that the sample is spot-on before you leave, and there aren’t any strange circumstances on your journey, in terms of taking too long, or it’s very hot weather, or very cold, then you should be fine.
Does It Work As It’s Advertised?
So the key question, is does Monkey Whizz work?
To answer that question, we have to look at it from several angles.
Firstly, Will, it passes validity testing? For me, the answer is yes, as long as it’s only a basic drug test. If they look in any detail at the sample, there just won’t be enough depth to its chemical composition to pass, which is in contrast to the better brands on the market.
Secondly, it does contain a heating pad, and the means to dispense Monkey Whizz, so that’s all good. But you have to make sure it’s at the right temperature, because unless it’s within the temperature range you in urine always exists in, then any quality synthetic urine is going to fail.
Thirdly, it does look and smell like the real thing, and froths like it. Probably enough to fool even an experienced eye.
Should You Buy Monkey Whizz Synthetic Urine?
For me, it is decent synthetic urine. It does contain enough chemical markers to get you through a basic pre-employment drug test, and for a little more money, it’s premixed and has a good heat pad and dispensing system.
But it’s just not complex enough for more advanced testing, you do get what you pay for. So if I was going for a drug test, in fact pretty much any type, I would spend a bit more money on a better quality synthetic urine.
So if you can’t afford any more money, or you don’t really care that much, then the conclusion that it’s good enough, probably.
You can buy it from this online store, it’s on sale now.
If you want more guarantees, then you could go for Quick Fix. It costs the same as Monkey Flask, but a slightly more complex formula. Plus importantly, I know that Quick Fix doesn’t contain biocide, something the big testing labs look for (it’s a synthetic preservative).
I’m not sure if it contains biocide or not. It probably doesn’t, but I can’t find anything confirming that. You can buy Quick Fix6.2 (latest formula) from this authorized reseller.
Quick Luck costs a hundred dollars, and Sub Solution costs around $80, so you can see the difference in pricing. But again, you get what you pay for.
On top of that, Quick Luck and Sub Solution don’t use a heating pad at all. The hardest part of passing validity testing is submitting a sample within that narrow human urine temperature range.
Sub Solution and Quick Luck use heat activator powder. You just pour a little in, agitate the sample, and within a few seconds, the temperature will start to rise. Outside the lab, you can check again, and if it’s too cool, add a little more heat activator powder. That’s something you can’t do with a heating pad.
So the conclusion of this Monkey Whizz synthetic urine review that it’s is a decent quality synthetic urine, but very basic when compared to the top products on the market, and it will only get you through a basic pre-employment drug test.