Listen to Susan and Coach Meg here:
http://www.wellcoach.com/flash/cm110301_1.html
http://www.wellcoach.com/flash/cm110301_2.html
http://www.wellcoach.com/flash/cm110301_1.mp3
http://www.wellcoach.com/flash/cm110301_2.mp3
In previous blogs, I introduced Susan. Susan isn’t a survivor; Susan is a thriver. And she thanks God for it every day. Susan is thriving with Stage 4 cancer and is on a journey to live her purpose.
The Power of Relationship
Susan contributes her thriving, in large part, to the strength of the relationships with her friends. She describes them as very connected, deep, and reciprocal relationships that keep her going. This certainly makes sense in terms of what we know about what leads people to thrive.
Self-Determination Theory
Researchers interested in this have developed a concept called “self-determination theory” which, in short, says that as people seek to make sense of who they are and want to be in the world, supportive relationships are critical. The quality of one’s social relationships can predict the quality of a person’s development – motivation, knowledge of self, and sense of worth. Interestingly, we are better able to become autonomous and self-sufficient if we have quality relationships with others.
Self-Determination and Positivity
I also believe that the primary active ingredient underlying all this is actually positivity. (If you haven’t read
Barbara Fredickson’s book on the subject, add it to your list today!) Fredrickson is most famous for the “broaden-and-build theory,” which suggests that when we experience positive emotions, we are more creative, flexible, open-minded, and we see the big picture. “Positive emotions expand one’s ideas about possible actions, opening our awareness to a wider range of thoughts and actions than is typical,” says Fredrickson. And positive emotions “allow us to discover and build new skills, new ties, new knowledge, and new ways of being.”
The Upward Spiral
It’s an upward spiral. When we feel positive, we are more likely to extend and connect ourselves to others. When we have strong relationships, we incorporate the best of them into ourselves. When we have improved ourselves, our opportunity for greatness is also increased. It expands us, and our capacities.
Next week, I’ll propose some ideas for nurturing relationships from another happiness scientist,
Sonja Lyubomirsky…
Margaret Moore, also known as “Coach Meg,” is CEO and founder of Wellcoaches Corp. in Wellesley, MA and can be reached by email at:
coachmeg[at]wellcoaches.com
http://www.coachmeg.com
http://www.wellcoaches.com
http://www.harvardcoaching.org